I hate change. Most people do. No, I REALLY hate change.
Example: when I went on my mission the dramatic lifestyle/climate/spiritual change made me physically ill. My body went into survival mode - my metabolism stopped( I gained over 30 lbs, but my metabolism isn't the only thing to blame... I also blame Danish pastry), my hair started falling out, and I became lactose intolerant (random, I know).
I think it's a pretty cruel twist of fate that I fell in love with and married an Air Force Officer. Which ensures my life will remain in a constant state of change. Thanks fate.
Actually, I don't thank fate. I know my Creator is behind all of this change. He is trying to teach me a lesson, and it looks like it will take a lifetime to learn. Change is ok. Physical places and things should not provide comfort and security for me. I need to look elsewhere.
This is where patience comes into play. You see, the word "patient" is used as an inside joke between me and my Creator. He told me once I was "patient" as I waited to come into this world. This is where the inside joke comes in... I know He doesn't mean "patient." You see, I'm sure (like with all change) I was the opposite of patient. I was nervous and scared. I'm sure I tried to be brave, but I'm also sure He saw right through that charade. And when the time came, I'm pretty sure He had to give me a little shove. I hate change. "Patient" is the kind way of saying 'willing, but secretly scared to death.' No, patient is what He wants me to become, not what I am.
Sometimes, in quiet reflective moments I think... maybe I was patient... actually patient. Then, my puppy does something naughty or I glance at the empty side of the bed next to me and BAM, I'm not patient. I'm angry or worried or scared. Anything but patient.
But hey... I'm living in Arizona, my husband is gone (on training, he will come back), my puppy is still naughty... but, my hair isn't falling out.
A step in the right direction? Maybe.
I hope I have the strength to learn the lessons my Creator is trying to teach me. True patience is not a quality I possess now. Maybe at the end of a life married to an Air Force Officer? Maybe. For now, it's a nice inside joke.
Oh I am so sorry friend. How about I come visit you. :) If you are ever bored you should call me and we can talk.
ReplyDeleteAhhh! Your pictures of AZ are making me missionsick...! I hate change, too... If I don't come to a big decision gradually, I tend to freak out and cry a lot, throw temper tantrums, get depressed, etc. I just got mono on my mission (wore myself out a little too much. Lack of naps was not a good change for me apparently). But you'll make it through! You're my tough little Marquettey! I love you!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Marquette, it'll get better! Change stinks but we're here if you need us! :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Marquette! I know you can do it. :) I think you're doing great.
ReplyDeleteLooks like you have the right perspective, Marquette. You can make it, through! You are greatly missed in Champaign ♥
ReplyDeleteOh, Marquette, so eloquently put. Which is a funny word, put. I miss you and think about you a lot!
ReplyDeleteOh Marquette, you are wonderful. I think I'm in on that joke as well. Patience is not one of my virtues at the moment.
ReplyDeleteWe'll make it!
Call me any time. We miss you.
-M